Have you ever looked back on something you wrote months ago or even years ago and realize that you are the best person to support yourself? Does it make sense that you can foresee the way you will feel? Happens to me all the time.

Leave you in the past; see you in the future?

Deja Vu

I can't fathom why I stopped writing these past few months because not writing has been a detriment to my thoughts, and lately everything has gone into overload.

Do you dream?; Maybe it's just deja vu. I can remember those words flashing across a screen exactly half a year ago, shortly before I ran into an angel. Lately I'm back to reminiscing to a year ago. How come it's been so long already? Sometimes I reminisce and read what I wrote a year ago and I find that nothing afterall has changed with my feelings towards you. There are days where I can't seem to stop missing you and other days where I'm moving forward or just moving on. Has distance made me more aware of my feelings towards you?...or when I had you here was it just the same?

Sun & Moon

It's raining, it's pouring, a black sky is falling; it's called tonight.

...sad I missed A&B...still the soundtrack to my heart. I'll soon be free.

I'm leaving the relaxation of Kelowna. I can't lie that the moment I walked home here, I rushed to see if there was some letter, some envelope, just anything waiting for me, from you. Let me ask though: How does one send you something, when they don't know your current address? When I walked into this a year and 3 months ago, I never held myself to have any sort of expectations, but now without knowing it, it seems that I do. I need to go back to being ok if I don't hear from you, see you etc. I need to go back to the days where we were strangers again...but how?

"Trying to forget someone you loved, is like trying to remember someone you never knew."

So often, I pause and notice how time flies by; I mark all my memories, my days, basically my life on some sort of timeline. For instance, a year ago I was writing the last of my Finance exams, or a year ago I was excited for a trip to Miami, or the fact that summer wouldn't be a summer. In this insurmountable amount of time so much has changed, or perhaps so little; my heart stays wrapped up in the past.

Time is so significant to me, yet I can't make it stop, fast forward, pause or just play...

So soon I'll get to experience a real summer, but I wonder if my memories will just revert back to....you?

Prove Me Wrong

I thought I was getting out of this mess; thought I would become heartless like a robot so I wouldn't feel anymore. And I swear, always, whenever I am in doubt or truly about to give up that in some way, shape or form, if I ask for a sign or if I'm about to turn away, there you'll be.

...it's the risk that I'm taking

I ain't never gonna shut you out.

888

I packed my heart and sent it away; someone asked me what I was gaining from all of this, and the only reply that would surface was "A broken heart".

The only thing I can do now is...play the waiting game.

Quarter Life Crisis

I feel like I'm ensuing the start of a quarter life crisis? Now that I am done school, I don't know what to even begin to do with myself. I am often composed and know what I want, but with school to hide behind the past 5 years now I must face a reality I'm not so sure I'm ready for? Work ended and I'm glad to move on because I hated it for the past 8 months. I wrote CFA Level 1 and will soon find out if I passed...what if I didn't? Where will I work? Will I stay in this city? So many questions...
I don't wanna stop running away. I know that leaving is only a temporary fix, but at this point in my life I'll take anything. Maybe in the end the only thing I'm running from is myself....

Will try to write as much as I can. Goodbye for now! Or should I say SAYONARA!!!!!!!

GODZILLA!

Ok ladies and gents...I have FINALLY booked my hotel in Tokyo...:D

5 days...

Dear Future Tammy...

This is my first entry for 2011. I really don't know where the time goes these days. I just finished writing a letter to Future Me; to be opened on Dec 31, 2020. A good ten years from now or shortly after. I haven't decided if I will leave my letter in Kelowna, or maybe I should leave it in Vietnam, so I am forced to once again go find my heart...good idea?