Time - Goodbye 2010

If somone asked me what the single most important thing I can remember about 2010, it would be:

Live life without no regrets.

I'm sitting here fully realizing time. The signifcance of time and how I've spent my time. This year I realized how time can pass in a heartbeat, realized that maybe just maybe it would slow down when I wanted it to, but time stops for no one and nothing. People often say give me more time, but the time you ask for or the time you take is gone in a flash. They say time heals everything, but I beg to differ that time only hides what is now long gone.

Time to forget, time to let go, time to move on...

It always starts with one look from you; why does it end with my dreams never coming true?

Have you ever had one of those days where you miss someone so terribly much that you would give anything and everything just to see them?...that was my day the other day...I missed you so terribly much. Constantly dreaming of the day I'll get to see my earth angel again...

If my Christmas wish came true, then I should be happy right? Then why do I feel so sad?

Weak

My Christmas wish didn't come true; but deep down I knew that...right?

Weak, so often I am so weak; it's been weeks. My best friend got me this charm to remind me to be stronger (THANKS MYMY!) ...and going forward I will be stronger.

Merry Christmas

"Like the Grinch, most of us at some point in our lives have wanted to steal Christmas. For many knocked down by life's losses and disappointments, now is the time to take stock, look back at the memories and ahead at the unknown. Depending on one's perspective, the path is littered with the pieces of one's own broken heart…"

This will be my second Christmas spent away from Kelowna. For so long Christmas marked a time where it felt like I had your heart; my path use to be littered with pieces of my broken heart and the further I travelled I seemed to lose more of my heart. I moved on, but my heart stayed wrapped up in the past.

In the wake of 2010 the path I travelled seemed to uncover all my broken pieces. They fit so intricately that pretty much my heart was consumed with only...you. I don't want to steal Christmas; and I don't want to steal your heart because I know your heart will never be mine, and never was meant to be mine to begin with.

I wonder if you could forgive me for trying?

Christmas Miracle?

As the countdown draws near, what are the odds? Since Saturday I've been fueled with this false sense of hope. I'm wondering if someone dealt me a sweet hand that'll I'll get my Christmas miracle. I swear I've been a good girl this year, if that counts for anything...

Love Actually

This is my all time favourite movie. And seeing as Christmas is upon us what better time then now to watch it?


I actually love all the stories in this movie, but this one is quite close to my heart.

I wonder if a boy will ever show up to my door with signs?

If you really must know...

...To me, you are PERFECT.

Walk Away

Do you like these flowers? I picked them up for a friend's Mom today. Just stopped by to say Merry Christmas...wondering if a Christmas miracle is in the books for me? Because I'm waiting on one...and that's all I want.

Good Samaritan #2

I really must have an angel watching over me...after I lost my purse in the afternoon I was talking to my Dad on the phone and was grabbing something that I ended up losing my iPhone...I wasn't upset about losing my phone itself but rather the contents of it...I didn't want someone to read all the things I wrote since I blog on a personal level quite often. The thought of that just made me worried...but somehow, someway it made it back to me and I am so grateful...

Good Samaritan

thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU to the lovely good samaritan that returned my purse with everything in it...:). I went for lunch with Anne today at the Husky building and just left my purse randomly sitting there. Remember how I said my mind is off wondering to different places lately? I don't know how I could forget my purse. Either way I am very grateful/thankful for whoever it was out there that returned all my belongings...what goes around comes around...

Perfect Stranger

Have you ever fallen for a stranger? Would this be classified as, 'love at first sight'? What draws you in?

You came in,
and you changed me.
My whole world stops;
my heart's beating.
Who are you? Am I dreaming?
Just a stranger,
That I'm chasing...

-T.Ha

...But strangers we are...no more.

LOVE

This year for my last option I took a class on…LOVE. Maybe because I don't know what it is, or maybe because somewhere inside of me you'll find that hopeless romantic. I learnt about the different sources of love in life, and probably a handful of other "life lessons". It was one of those useless classes...or was it? Love is something people so often cannot explain, let alone teach. It can break you down, or build you up. Am I searching for love?...Am I in love? I wasn't sure, but after this class I think I may have found answers to the many questions I often pose.

For our final exam we had to write a paper on a source of love, maintaining love or doing a project etc. I ended up writing a 15 page paper on a source of love and maintaining. It was a mix of past and present, me…within this very paper was where I learnt quite a bit about myself. I can't share the details, or what it is exactly I wrote about because it's too personal. I was almost hesitant to hand it in…but somehow there is a comfort in a complete stranger reading my own fairy tale of love.

Love class is the reason I'm writing again; not to mention, one second with you, I'm inspired.

Homeless Sweet Homeless

Remember when I asked when everything is falling apart who do you turn to? People you thought who were, aren't, and people who you never thought would be are, and surprise you, that's all I can say. I'm staying with Jo's parents cuz they graciously let me, but at the same time I feel like I'm imposing. It's so strange, but probably the best sleep I've had in months…I haven't been restless..but then again I've been running myself so thin that as soon as my head hits the pillow I'm out like a light.

I'll be homeless for two months or more….guess the flood was really that bad. I'm super stressed right now, but I just gotta make it through…maybe this is really a blessing in disguise?...now to find a place to live...

Flooded Out

I can't sleep…if the worst is now over what's wrong with me? I've been so dead tired lately, but when I crawl into bed I don't fall asleep right away. What's going through my mind?...maybe subconsciously I'm just a mess.

Speaking of messes, to top all of my stress off my basement flooded…FML. And I have to move everything out, as well as find a place to live for a week or so TODAY. I just wanna finish my paper and study for my exam…and I have no time cuz I'm working too...:(

When things are starting to fall apart who is the first person you turn too?

Call.Raise.Fold

Calling...raising...folding; for once, I've won.

When I first met you, I was so young and naive, wasn't I? Look at what I wrote in Nov 2006:

Sometimes things are too good to be true. And in my case you were too good to be true. I don't understand anything that's happened this past month because maybe it was all a dream. Too surreal that it was never meant to be a part of my world. I know I could never make it into your world presently, but it's who I am, what I am right now. I can't say that I miss you, or that you broke my heart. But you broke me inside as a person because I won't ever hope as high and I won't ever put myself through sometime like that. I can't describe how I feel, growing emotionally attached is the only answer I have and the only thing I could have felt. Being with you is a memory that will fade away. In time you'll fade away. But for what it's worth; you had me.

You really did have me. I was so heartbroken. I swore I'd never fall again...
Sometimes when I try to find myself again I go back to this place. I can still feel the coldness of the concrete seep through me. I heard everything you said, but I'm sitting here and I can't make a sound. Maybe that is the reason why, I do, and do not want to play this game; holds too many meanings. It makes perfect sense to end it where it all started, no?

Today marks your 29th birthday; Happy Birthday.

Level 1

Pass or Fail, it's finally OVER!!! This is what I spent the last half a year doing, plus the other million other things I got going on. I think I'm still dreaming about ratios...my head hurts. The volume of information I had to remember was so overwhelming.... I guess now I just wait on the results. Pass or fail, I did it. But hopefully it's the former and not the latter.

Where it All Stops, Where it All Begins

I’m not really sure why I stopped writing. Well I still do, but I’m gonna make an effort to do it more often. I’ve come to realize that even though I have a really good memory, the kind where I can tell you what you were wearing the day I met you etc, as time goes by things/memories start to fade away and become blurred to me. There’s many things I want to remember, this year being one of them, so this is where it will all begin...